I recently received an interesting e-mail from an anonymous distraught woman, let’s call her Cheryl,  who simply wrote, “Who the Hell are you?”.  I wasn’t amused by her question, because it made me very aware that there was something amiss in my recent quest.  So instead of replying with like hostility, I started to ponder over poor Cheryl’s problem. 

She was living in fear over the faithfulness of her relationship.  Every person has walked through those fears, for a variety of different reasons.  Insecurity is a cruel thing and it breeds fear, ultimately manifesting itself in controlling and smothering behaviors.  Though a man (or a woman) may not wish to hurt their partner, they will ultimately drive them away.

For your benefit, I am going to “confess” what I shared with dear Cheryl:

“I have a feeling that you are trying to understand something.  Either you are panicked because you realize a person, a man more precisely, is very unsatisfied with your present situation.  Or I have responded to a query of this person or this person has responded to one of mine. 

I am on a quest, just as most people are.  You are deeply hurt.  So I ask you for your identity because I am not about hurting people.  Now you, dear Cheryl,  I am offering you my help, my ear, and I reach out to you with kindness and advice. 

I have waited for your reply and instead you have answered with silence.  I do know “who the hell I am”…and I would offer you only kind words to get you to hear me.  To perhaps look at why your other half is straying away from you.

I am not attacking you, not in the slightest.  In fact, I want very much to help you, and if you push away this opportunity, you are going to lose the man you love because you fear losing him.  If you truly love him, I will share all I know with you and try to help you.  I do know men relatively well.  I know what drives them into another woman’s arms. And I know how to keep them, how to become an event in their lives.

So do not for a moment think that my reply has been sent with hostility. Instead, what I seek to do is get you to look at yourself in the mirror and to really affect a positive change in your life.

1) Ask yourself – why are you with this man?
If it is for any reason outside of love, then I cannot help you.
2) What have you done to stimulate your love life?
If you are just laying there thinking this is your duty and you just submit yourself to be used as an orifice for his release.  It is no wonder why he is looking elsewhere.
3) Are you physically taking care of yourself?
Exercise, eat right, and have a positive self image. Do not do this just to keep him, but to make yourself happy and self confident.  A confident woman is the sexiest thing for a man to have in his life because you have something to give of yourself. 

This is just a start.  Now do something incredibly wise.  Say nothing about this to him.  Do not attack him.  Instead realize that you need to draw him back to you.  Not by recreating old memories, but by creating new ones.”

Realize that we are all human.  Sometimes love is beyond our control.  So, if you do have something to share or a question to ask, as I offered to Cheryl,  I offer you the same.  With carefully researched responses and resources, every query is treated seriously.  This is a serious quest for all of us.  It is about being the best we can possibly be for those we care about most in our lives.

Photo courtesy of Precious Stuff