Just when did the idea of marrying for love – and not for financial and political power – come into play? Who or what decided that two persons united in matrimony had to provide one other emotional comfort, unconditional friendship, mind-blowing sex, equal care and financial security? What is the future of the sometimes obsolete institution of marriage?

These are some of the questions asked – and answered – by author Stephanie Coontz in “Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage”, a must-have bible of sorts for all married, divorced, engaged and single people alike. If we accept the truth of Sir Winston Churchill’s famous quote “Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it” then learning about the development of the marriage institution throughout the ages – to the incredibly complex relationship it is today – is instrumental to its success, instrumental to our personal success in the world of relationships.

Ms. Coontz is a historian and a researcher and has written extensively about marriage and family issues in various publications, including the NY Times, The Washington Post, Vogue and Harper’s magazine. Her previous book “The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap” has earned her several awards. But her knowledge and certifications do not exist at the expense of the reader’s enjoyment. Her writing style is pleasant, utterly informative and the book is a fantastically easy read.

From the ancient times, of the Egyptians and their incestuous gods – which included the sister/brother later becoming wife/husband team of Isis and Osiris – to the Middle Ages and the “indentured servant” position given a bride in the family situation. From Martin Luther’s circa 1500s assertion that “all creatures are divided into male and female; even trees marry; likewise budding plants; there is also marriage between rocks and stones” – which does help explain the last couple of relationships for me personally! – to the definition of a good wife in the Old Testament, which includes phrases such as “She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth food from afar. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.” And my favorite “She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness” – see Proverbs 31 for the complete version, sometimes used as absurd Mother’s Day wishes these days… This book travels all the way to the present time, with our contemporary ideals of love, equality and the emotional involvement of both partners in the relationship, concepts that were unheard of in the institution of marriage until frighteningly recent.

Ms. Coontz then leaves us with the idea that divorce, and the ease of obtaining it in modern times, has created a whole new set of anxieties in married couples. A wife and husband know that there exists a need for sustained negotiation, for a constant new supply of mutual enjoyment and for an open line of communication to keep their marriage alive. Without it, a quick trip to a divorce lawyer can break a bond that has been signed, declared and sealed by the now nearly redundant words “Till death do us part”.

I suggest getting your own copy of the book if you are ready to embark on any kind of permanent bond with another human being. This will be the only “How To” book you’ll need. Till death… well, you get the picture!

“The Kiss by the Hôtel de Ville” photo courtesy of the Estate of Robert Doisneau. Book cover image courtesy of Penguin Books