I was tapping my toes to Lauren Mason, impatiently wanting to wear my new dress which had been bought, unwrapped, welcomed and worshipped that day. Admittedly, my 5’ 2” frame did transform it slightly from the sleek catwalk images I’d recalled when I first spotted it at the last London Fashion Week. No matter – I was still in love, and no amount of reverse size-dysmorphia was about to break us up.

The phone rang, and the screening was going ahead. Yes, Kelly Osbourne had hurt her eyes (be warned – circulating rumours as to how will not be tolerated on this celeb-friendly website. I give no credence to the theory that she was looking at old family albums. She’s hot now, and that’s what matters, you horrible people). Although she was one of the stars of Ben Charles Edwards’s new mini-musical, The Town That Boars Me, there were plenty of others sure to be there to share their light and sparkle extra hard.

So I got to wear my dress. And it was the best date ever. It never left my side, didn’t try to talk to anyone else, got plenty of attention but remained zipped up and let me do all the talking.

Some magical make-up, hats the size of small cinema-screens and ostentatious outfits fantastic enough to give me pre-Fashion-Week-flutters greeted us at the doors of Notting Hill’s Beach Blanket Babylon, along with a craftily strong caipirinha. This debut screening of Edwards’s short film, produced by Glass Loves and Shoot To Kill, had proved a quite the quirky crowd-puller.

The independent, 15 minute musical film features cameos from Kelly Osbourne, Sadie Frost, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Natt Weller (who by the way, is Paul Weller’s son. He’s just been signed to Universal in Japan and will be writing and singing in Japanese. So there…), Jodie Harsh, Zandra Rhodes, Dee C Lee and Andrew Logan, ensuring the cameras were flashing faster than Ms. Harsh’s impressive eyelashes.

After barging my way to a Bellini – you know how it is at these free bars, people go and get all Titanic on you – my own cameo started causing quite a commotion. Mr Feiz had done exceptionally well to design a dress that held its own in the centre of such mayhem. After repeating where the dress was from more times than I had bubbles in my glass, I was relieved to see the screening begin.

A surreal spectacle unfolds – but I won’t spoil the surprise. Thanks to Myspace.com you can watch it for yourself here.

Yes, it may be strange. You might have furrowed brows right now (stop – it’ll just blow up the botox bill later) and be wondering what it’s all about and what exactly was the point. Weeell… Whilst I didn’t find anyone with a specific answer for you, I did enjoy it. I can foresee the ‘clever people’ berating ‘the not-real people’ for subjecting us to their prima-donna presence not only in the ubiquitous London rush-hour ‘papers’ and on every prime-time TV slot, but also in pointless musicals musing about pigs, shoes, whores and dinner parties. But it’s quite an easy film to avoid, if you so choose. I thought it was fun to see the participants in such an overly stylised, surreal setting – rather than the far more pointless paparazzi photos of them we are inundated with daily. It also gave more than a nod of the snout to the current loss of liberty we are all little by little experiencing but not really doing anything about.

And it did make me wonder just how far I’d go for my Louboutins. Which is a question no girl wants to have to ask herself. So, hard as it was, I shook myself loose of my shoe-shock and managed to ask Jodie Harsh who happened to be her favourite footwear designer?

‘Terry de Havilland – I used his silver wedge shoe as a prop in the movie. And Nicholas Kirkwood is an extremely talented foot stylist.’