Wistfully, she twirls her hair, as she focuses on one question, “What am I doing wrong?” A lot of times, we go through these mental inventories when you realize you don’t have the type of relationship you want in your life. Or, if you are wondering why you are alone. You think about all of the ways you are putting yourself out there.

Whether its going to parties, clubs, even the dreaded (gasp!) on-line dating services that are out there. You are seeking, but you have to ask yourself one big question. Are you ready to be in a relationship? When you take a look at your own self, beauty marks and all, you have to take that hard look in your internal mirror and realize that you have to be ready for a person to come into your life. So let’s say you are ready. Let’s say that everything is going absolutely perfect, but still, somehow that person isn’t in your life–yet.

Oh, you are a beautiful one. You know who you are. You have a positive outlook on life, and you just can’t seem to figure out why you are alone. There are a few things you could be doing to torpedo your success.

Sometimes a date is just a date – You know what I am talking about. You have experienced the over anxious, over zealous date. What were your thoughts on the poor fellow? You start dissecting the appearance, the conversation, the mannerisms trying to read the fellow. He is working so hard to impress you and is failing miserably. Reverse the roles for a moment. How do you act around a guy you are actually star-struck over? Are you cool and confident? Are you being yourself or are you playing a role? Are you sharing real information about who you are? Are you trying like hell to impress this fellow?

Relax - How many times have you heard, just be yourself? So many people aren’t themselves. They play games, resulting in angry confrontations. People do conceal things about themselves as a means of self protection, for example not talking about how much they make. The real fantasy that people want is to be accepted for exactly who they are. With or without make-up, accepted for their flaws, and all of a sudden those flaws have special meaning for both people. So, if you are going about the dating world not being yourself, how are you going to get that person in your life that accepts you for yourself?

Know when to risk - Getting to know someone happens over time. Information should be exchanged on an equal basis in an equal comfort zone. When have all had those dates where all of a sudden a whole life story is dumped on you, right on the first date. It is incredibly overwhelming when so much information is given for you to take in. Most need to gradually sip in the information and not be run over like a freight train. Conversation is an exchange of information to learn about each other’s hopes, dreams, and goals. Sharing sensitive parts about your life shouldn’t happen right away. Take the time to build up trust and keep him interested in you as if you were a story that never has an ending.

The 5 second rule - For most people, they make a judgement about someone within 5 seconds. There is the immediate snap judgement and you have catagorized a person lke the pair of pumps that are super sexy, but they hurt your feet. Be a little more forgiving in this department. A man that perhaps might not have a sense of style, just might open your eyes in other areas that you are drawn to. Whereas, the hot sexy guy, well, his head might as well be a PEZ dispenser. Slow down and take your time to push past appearances. You might be pleasantly surprised–the shoe might actually fit.