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Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? At one time or another, we all face situations that impact us so deeply that it seems practically impossible to move on when a relationship ends. No matter how many people tell us to ‘get over it’, these relationships are embedded in our psyche and become part of our identity. 

When we can’t get over someone, we often feel a sense of grief normally associated with death, but with the added pressure of not allowing ourselves to grieve properly if the person is still living. The grief we feel when someone dies generally arises from regret or sadness arising from the things you wish you had said or done, but never did. We become sad about the future we will never have with them, buy into feelings of failure and feel a loss for what may have been. 

We find it hardest to let go and move on from relationships that caused us to lose our true selves; situations where you didn’t voice your opinion or stand your ground and even worse, put on an act to please someone else or to keep the peace. 

How many times have you been in a hostile situation and agonised over it afterwards, wishing you had reacted differently? Fear causes us to respond out of character. We mistakenly think if we love hard enough or long enough, if we ignore our needs and become a different person, then they will stay. By creating an alter ego, we hide our true selves and swallow our dignity along with our pride. As a result, we leave so much unsaid and unheard that there’s no sense of closure when the relationship has run its course. 

Getting over someone significant is never easy, but being true to oneself is the key to nurturing and demanding respect. By expressing our needs and desires, we validate our importance as individuals. Letting go and moving on is much easier knowing that someone was not meant for you, not your alter ego.